


The sound of your words

by shichan



Category: Ensemble Stars! (Video Game)
Genre: 28!Tsukasa/18!Leo, Deaf Characters - Freeform, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-24
Updated: 2017-04-16
Packaged: 2018-10-10 05:59:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 21,220
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10430673
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shichan/pseuds/shichan
Summary: Leo meets Tsukasa for the first time when he's eight years old and he's too young to understand; after ten years Suou Tsukasa is a teacher at Leo's high school, a communication helper for deaf people and when he introduces himself with the sign language along with words, Leo realizes. Is that how Tsukasa's real words sound like?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> First of all, I want to thank Nari for this opportunity. I would have never thought I could write 20+k in English, and the Big Bang really inspired me. Also, congratulations to all the other writers and the artists who took part in it: you all have done a great work and I can't wait to read your fics or see your works!
> 
> About this fic, I was really scared by a lot of things. I started to write in English just eight months ago, it isn't my native language and I still do a lot of mistakes, so I thought I would never finish this. I'm still worried about some aspects, but I had fun. Just a few notes to help you who will be so brave to read this work until the end.
> 
> Tsukasa is ten years older than Leo. This could make some of you uncomfortable, I'm sorry. Same goes for Akiomi and Arashi, even if their relationship is more or less just mentioned. Since the setting is different from the game, there might be a bit of ooc here and there, just small things because of course with Tsukasa being an adult I couldn't use some dynamics the characters canonically have.  
> Thanks to Ian because he shared with me his experiences about half deaf people; also, everything about sign language comes from some essays, if you find any mistakes, please let me know!
> 
> I hope you will be able to enjoy this fic <3

When Leo meets him for the first time, he doesn’t really _notice_ him. In his defence he is only eight years old, a bored child who is accompanying his parents and whose only one distraction between adults he doesn’t know is to make sure he doesn’t let go his little sister’s hand. It’s Ruka who notices him, in fact: she’s his cute, little sister - the cutest, truth to be told - and she’s a curious girl; it doesn’t take much time before she points at a boy, blabbering something like «Onii-chan, onii-chan! Red hair!»  
If their mother weren’t busy meeting someone with their father, Leo is sure she’d excuse them both in front of said boy because of her children’s rudeness; but she doesn’t hear them, so Leo thinks they’re safe for now - he really isn’t sure why pointing out hair colour is considered rude, in fact; but again, adults are so hard to understand. The boy has heard them though but he unexpectedly smiles, closing the distance between them. He kneels so that he’s in front of them and, more or less, at the same height and Leo is ready to protect his sister if the time comes. He frowns a bit, looking at the stranger: he isn’t so tall, and he doesn’t seem to be a bad guy. Maybe he noticed Ruka’s cuteness…!  
The red haired boy does a weird gesture with his hand and Leo frowns more. Then the boy seems to have realised something and chuckles a bit: «Do you like red hair?» he asks. His way of talking is a bit funny, Leo thinks, but he doesn’t say it. Ruka is looking at that boy and her eyes are shining, her expression so fascinated even though she’s usually really shy with strangers. The boy seems to understand the answer to his question even without hearing it: «You both have a really beautiful hair colour too.» he says. What Leo notices the most is the older one is his gentle voice, and he decides Ruka is okay even even if he doesn’t protect her.   
That’s when their parents both come back to them: «Oh my, I hope our children didn’t say anything rude.» their mother says, but the boy in front of him stands up and shakes his head.   
«Absolutely not. They have been both really polite and they complimented my hair.» he replies with a sweet smile - Leo wonders if adults never get tired of smiling like that.   
«Oh, that’s a relief… what’s your name, dear?» she asks, smiling back, pleased with the boy’s politeness. Leo isn’t sure if he’s imagining it, but it seems to him that his mom is speaking slower than usual.  
«Suou Tsukasa, pleased to meet you.» he answers, bowing his head and then looking at Leo and Ruka: «May I ask your names?»  
Leo feels his father’s hand on his shoulder, encouraging him: «My name is Tsukinaga Leo, and this is my little sister Ruka.» he says «But if you fall in love with her I won’t forgive you.» he adds, with a little pout on his lips.  
It’s the first time he hears Tsukasa’s laugh.  
And when, after some more small talk, Tsukasa excuses himself and goes away, Leo notices it; he takes his father’s hand and looks at him: «Dad,» he calls out «what’s that thing oniichan had in his ear?»

 

He doesn’t expect it when he sees that boy again. It’s ten years later, and the red haired boy is a man now, and he’s walking in the classroom with Leo’s homeroom teacher. It takes him some minutes to remember where he has already seen him and he must have a really astonished expression if even Shinkai Kanata asks him if everything is all right - well, Kanata asks him his own peculiar way, but the thought is enough.  
After the class president has guided their greeting they all sit down, and their homeroom teacher looks at the man next to him and then at the whole class: «This is Suou Tsukasa-sensei. He is going to work at this school in one of the first year classes, so you probably won’t have many chances to have lessons with him. However, today he is going to join us, so I highly recommend a proper behaviour.» he says, as stern as always.  
And that’s when Wataru’s voice is the only one that literally _echoes_ in their classroom: «AMAZING! What a young teacher you are, Suou-sensei!»  
The homeroom teacher sighs, resigned: «Hibiki-kun.» he says just that before turning towards Tsukasa «They may be a bumbling class but they don’t mean any harm.» he assures the younger one as he momentarily leaves his spot so that Tsukasa can introduce himself.   
Leo takes advantage of their exchange to look better at the man: he should be around his thirties. His haircut is really similar to the one he had back then, maybe just a bit longer. He still seems to have the same kind smile and prince-like manners - he surely has a great figure.  
«Nice to meet you.» Tsukasa says to them, with the same funny way of speaking; well, it’s a bit less noticeable, but Leo has already heard it and kind of remembers it. What strikes him and his classmates is the way Tsukasa starts moving his hands and suddenly Leo remembers how he did the same thing ten years before and how he laughed off when Leo and Ruka didn’t understand. Tsukasa doesn’t seem to mind how the class it’s suddenly so quiet, and keeps talking and signing: «My name is Suou Tsukasa. I’m going to be a communication helper for one of the first year students in this school. A communication helper is someone who helps deaf people so that they can communicate with those who don’t understand the sign language.» he explains patiently, still smiling. «I don’t know if you are going to need this, since I will be at school most of the time, but I think it’s a good thing to know. So» and he stops his hands for a bit, then he does a simple gesture, slower than before: «This is to say “Thank you”.» he positions his left hand with the palm towards the floor, and his right hand flat over the other. Then, with a decisive gesture, he moves the right hand up.  
«Simple, isn’t it?» he chuckles a bit, and then speaks again: «This one, instead, it’s the sign to say “I’m sorry”.» and his right hand goes near his face - the higher part of his nose, between his eyebrows - like there’s something he has to pick in that point. Then the same hand makes the same movement (just a little slower) of a typical karate chop.   
«This may seem funny to you, but to a deaf person it’s important to be able to say “Thank you” and “I’m sorry”, but what is even more important is to be able to understand when others say this to us. I’ll be in your care.» he finishes like this, bowing his head politely and smiling at all of them, before walking towards one of the corner of the classroom where there’s an empty chair. The class is filled with curious and surprised murmurs again, while their homeroom teacher opens the register to start the roll call.  
But Leo doesn’t pay attention. After ten years he has finally understood: back then, Tsukasa wasn’t doing funny gestures. He was trying to communicate, sure about the fact that at least one of them - Leo or Ruka - was deaf, in that big building that was the deaf association center Leo’s mother made a donation for.  
  
They don’t meet very often. Tsukasa’s first month seems to be so busy that if rumors hadn’t already spread about the only (cute) student the red haired man was assisting, Leo would have been sure Suou was in charge of at least ten of them. He has been seen in the corridors of course, and sometimes he talks to other students too, with that gentle smile of his; Leo has noticed that, after the first time, Tsukasa never uses the sign language while he talks to those students who approach him. He isn’t sure about the reason, though.  
Not that the person next to him will ever be able to reveal such mystery - “ _and there’s no need to do so. It is part of Suou-sensei’s charme after all_ ” it’s what Wataru has said to him.  
«So, Shitty King» Izumi says while he walks beside him «is your work done?»  
«Don’t call it simply “work”, Sena!» he replies and chuckles, and he can _feel_ Izumi’s impatience: «It’s called _inspiration_ and it is not just _done_. It has to be polished! Like a jewel! And when it’s finally shining— that! That is the perfect moment, Sena! Wahahahah!»  
«I’m so done with your shit, I swear to God I’ll kill you before we graduate.»  
Leo laughs more. He and Izumi are in the same band since their first year; they used to be a duo, but then Arashi and Ritsu joined and they became a real band. Its name is _Knights_ and Leo loves them, all of them and with their perfect imperfections. He loves how bad-tempered Izumi is and, at the same time, how much he does care even if he doesn’t show it; he adores how Naru is considerate of others, with such attention to details Leo would never have with someone he isn’t interested in; and he finds Rittsu the cutest in the way he falls asleep almost everywhere but knows better than anyone else how to express himself when needed.  
«Don’t be jealous, Sena~»  
«I am not—» it’s what Izumi starts to reply before he is interrupted by too many noises: the door on their right is opened with a certain violence, there’s a bit of a commotion and someone literally _collides_ against Izumi. They are both unbalanced - Izumi and the cute, little boy - while Leo is already starting with his noisy laugh.  
«You’re _so annoying_!» Izumi barks at Leo, shifting his attention from his band leader to the boy who was behind the door until a few moments ago: «And you, first year!» he continues with the same tone «You could at least say that you’re sorry.»  
«He doesn’t seem to care at all, Sena… is this your authority as a third year? Will you be a kind senpai and forgive him this time? You know, Sena, a real knight would do it but, _alas_ , what a hard choice! Your pride or your popularity?»  
«Could you please just _shut up_?» Izumi says, sighing, clearly irritated: «I wasn’t popular from the beginning, anyway.» he mumbles, looking at the boy who hasn’t even looked at them if not just briefly «Would it kill you to answer, at least? Are you _deaf_?»  
Truth to be told, considering how much Leo knows Izumi, he’s sure Sena doesn’t mean any harm nor anything else with that sentence. If he _knew_ he would never say a sentence like that. Leo too doesn’t think too much about it, until he recognises Tsukasa at the doorstep of the classroom, the door still open. It’s a matter of seconds before Leo understands, but it’s already too late, because Suou is saying something like: «Ah— please, wait a moment!» and he’s late too, judging by the hand that’s on Izumi’s shoulder and pushes him away.  
It’s not harsh, but the gesture has an obvious meaning: _go away_. From the short boy that, Leo notices it just now, seems bothered - and has a hearing aid in both his ears. But that hand belongs to someone else and when Leo looks at the other boy a shiver goes down his spine: he has never seen such cold eyes. It’s not like that student is just unfriendly: he is looking at Izumi like he’s saying to give him a reason, only _one_ reason to react and he’ll do it. Leo has got involved himself with so many people that he is pretty sure nothing will never surprise him again but, at the same time, he’s sure none of the delinquents he has met has seemed so ostensibly _dangerous_.  
«He is.» it’s the only thing he says at the beginning. He looks at Leo, like he’s deciding if he has to get angry at him too, and then goes back to Izumi: «Deaf. He is. I hope this satisfy you curiosity, _senpai_.»  
Leo sees it clearly, the moment Izumi realises and feels ashamed, because he really is more sensitive than he seems. Leo is pretty sure Sena will remember the boy’s face and if anyone will be crazy enough to do or say something against him, that someone will pay for it. But right now, the villain is still Sena.  
«Young Master» the boy says to the shorter one, and there is so much tenderness in the way he touches the other’s shoulder that it almost feels unreal «are you okay?»  
Leo notices that he speaks really slowly, and doesn’t do any sign. He’s not sure about the reason.  
«Fushimi-kun.» finally Tsukasa intervenes, with his apologetic smile and signs that go along with his words like it’s nothing «I’m sure he didn’t mean any harm. He really seems to be sorry.» the man says, looking at Izumi and then at the shorter boy who’s been silent all along. Is he deaf-mute?  
«I’m fine!» he answers, his tone a bit too high.  
«Himemiya-kun» Tsukasa touches lightly his arm. Leo wonders what Suou says in these situations so that a deaf boy doesn’t feel hurt by people’s words - intentional or unintentional. Maybe it depends on the deaf person. Maybe some of them don’t care so much, but for those who care how do you explain them that people can often be horrible? Not Sena, perhaps… does he do it like every other adult? Minimizing what happens, talking about youth and naivety? Leo really is curious.   
«You shouldn’t run outside the classrooms like that. You are at fault, because you are the one who collided with…?» and he looks at Izumi, waiting for his name - a little «Sena» that the third year mumbles - «Sena-kun. So you should apologize.» he suggests.  
And Leo is completely astonished, like Suou has said the unspeakable truth of the world.  
Himemiya looks like he doesn’t know what to prioritize: his apologies or his whines. In the end, he looks at Izumi with an insolent attitude before signing something that Leo recognises because of Tsukasa’s little lesson on his first day at their school. Izumi seems to be unsure of what to do.  
«He’s saying he’s sorry, Sena.» Leo translates for him with a little, amused smile.  
«Fine.» Izumi says, his light blue eyes going from Himemiya to Yuzuru, and then on Tsukasa; the man smiles kindly, and then he moves so that everyone can see him, especially the first year who has to be able to see the sign language: «You should all go to the have lunch. I’ll see you tomorrow, Himemiya-kun. Fushimi-kun, be sure to follow the book I gave you and you’ll be okay with the sign language. If there’s anything you don’t understand, feel free to ask me anytime.» he says. For the entire time he never stops with the sign language; it’s like he’s speaking two languages, simultaneously. It really amazes Leo.  
«Sena-kun, Tsukinaga-kun, have a good—»  
«So you do remember my name, Suou-sensei.» Leo interrupts him, smiling at him like a kid. Tsukasa seems surprised, like he didn’t think at all about the chance of Leo remembering who he is or where they’ve met.   
«Yes. How is your sister?»  
«Pretty fine!» he answers - he’s not surprised, because Tsukasa totally looks like the charming prince who would be popular at school, who would always remember everyone’s name, who probably was the only one in his class that would be equally kind to anyone. Leo wonders if, in his school years, Tsukasa had a communication assistant like he’s now for Himemiya. If one of his classmates, or other boys in general, ever told him something like “ _are you deaf?!_ ” in a mean way.   
He can’t imagine it.   
«I have to go back. Have a good lunch.» Tsukasa excuses himself, going back in the classroom and closing the door behind him.   
  
  
Leo doesn’t have a so-called high attendance for his club activities. He goes, of course, and he pays attention so that he doesn’t get his captain too angry - at least, not enough for him to banish Leo from the club. It’s not that he doesn’t like archery; he would have never joined if it was the case. It’s just that there are so many things that interests him, and soon his band will be able to play in a real live; plus, when inspiration comes, he can’t refuse its call and simply _has to write down the music_.   
Surely he’s a bit surprised when, walking in the _dojo_ , he sees Fushimi Yuzuru talking to Keito-buchou.  
«Welcome back, Tsukinaga.» There’s a bit of sarcasm in Keito’s greeting, but Leo knows he doesn’t mean any harm; he’s just a very strict guy who needs to relax but doesn’t know how to. Sometimes, Leo wonders if Keito was there when someone explained the importance of leisure time. Maybe he was absent. Maybe aliens abducted him.   
Maybe a five years old Keito was too busy scolding some other kid because “ _you should wear your smock properly._ ”  
Oh my God.  
«Here I am, here I am~! Buchou, did you miss me?»  
«It depends: are you here to practice seriously?»  
«Of course!» Leo answers like he’s almost offended at the thought that Keito believes he’s there just to kill time: «So, so, is he our new member? So you are our newbie, Fujitani-kun?»  
«My name is Fushimi, senpai.»  
«Fujitani, Fushimi, the name’s not so important. I’ll call you newbie, so that I won’t ever get it wrong! I’m a genius, right?» he compliments himself, while Keito sighs and his hand goes to massage his temple.  
«Please, Tsukinaga, try to remember people’s names.» Keito seems quite resigned, but he doesn’t add anything else, joining the first years near the equipment. That’s when Leo feels like Yuzuru has been entrusted to him - well, it’s not really like that but it’s okay, since he wanted to talk to him.  
«So» surprisingly, Yuzuru starts a conversation before Leo can say anything «you know Suou-sensei, Tsukinaga-senpai.» he says while he’s adjusting his equipment so that he can start practicing soon. To be honest, it’s not what Leo was expecting but, he has to admit it, he likes unexpected things: it would have been boring if Yuzuru had complained about Sena’s words or about what happened in general. Leo sits on the wooden floor, and he’s sure Keito will come soon to scold him, but he doesn’t really care much; he’s more interested in Yuzuru’s gaze, in his posture, in the way he seems to try to choose the best words to voice his doubts. Leo supposes he’s a good kid, after all.  
«Is someone you know… I mean...»  
«Deaf?»  
«I’m sorry. It’s really rude of me to ask such a question since we don’t know each other.» Yuzuru apologies, frowning a bit like he’s silently scolding himself, almost _punishing_ himself. Leo looks at him, confused for a moment, but then he shakes his head.  
«I don’t. But my parents used to make donations for a deaf association or something like that. I met Suou there.» he replies; he should call him “sensei”, but it feels unnatural, maybe because, in a way, Tsukasa is someone from his childhood and, in any case, Leo is not good with formalities. Yuzuru doesn’t seem bothered, though.  
«Are you Himemiya’s servant? Since you called him ‘Young Master’.»  
«Yes. We grew up together, but my family has served the Himemiyas for years. I’m sorry if my master seems just a spoiled, impolite kid… he is good at heart, and very kind. He just...» Yuzuru hesitates, his hand grips the bow he was checking. Izumi often calls him “shitty king” and nicknames like this, but Leo has never doubted the fact he’s able to read people’s feelings when they are shown in such an earnest way. Yuzuru’s eyes have something Leo is sure he would have if someone did something terrible to Ruka - that is the expression when you regret doing (or _not doing_ ) that thing that would have done the difference. Usually it’s something that isn’t in a single person’s power to do or to change, but nobody really understands it when they are too busy blaming themselves.  
«His talking is not too funny, for a deaf person. I mean, Sena always scolds me because he says my way of speaking is almost unintelligible! He is such a meanie, he doesn’t understand that I’m a genius!» he says, and a small part of him maybe is trying to be supportive with his _kohai_. Yuzuru understands it - or guesses it, Leo never thinks too much about details - and smiles; it’s a gentle expression, even if there’s not the relief Leo wanted to obtain.  
«Thank you.» the younger one murmurs «But that’s because my master isn’t born like this. He lost his hearing ability recently.» Yuzuru reveals and that’s when a truth strikes Leo the same way his sudden inspiration usually does. And in those moments he _has to write_ , so now he has this urgency that makes his fingertips itchy, and the need to move his legs becomes unbearable - he has to leave the _dojo_ , he has to walk and walk and walk until he reaches the only person who can give him replies to those questions that are crowding his mind.  
  
«Tsukinaga, stop running in the hallways!» it’s the vague scolding Leo hears while he’s running towards the same classroom Suou occupied that morning. He can also hear, from outside, all the sounds of those clubs that use the gym or the field. He stops in front of the door, but just because it opens before he can knock, a surprised Tsukasa that stands still, his hand in mid air. It’s the first time Leo sees that expression on the man’s face - he always smiles, he’s always so composed that Leo almost thought that Tsukasa wasn’t able to make other expressions.  
«It’s something the matter, Tsukinaga-kun?» Tsukasa asks him, looking a bit concerned; behind him, Himemiya peeks out and looks at Leo. The feeling he gets is that Himemiya doesn’t know how to consider him: an ugly insect, or someone he doesn’t need to be concerned of. Leo lets his eyes wander between those two and then he focuses on Tsukasa: «Were you deaf since the beginning?» he asks, with no delicacy at all. He notices Tsukasa stiffens, so he realises. Leo coughs, not really used to have a filter that blocks his stupidity before he voices it: «I mean, can we talk a bit, Suou-sensei? I want to ask you things about sign language and stuff.» he adds «I was talking to Fujiwara, he’s in the archery club now and—»  
«Wait a moment, Tsukinaga-kun.» Tsukasa stops him, turning towards Himemiya so that he can sign something to him - Leo’s words, probably, or some explanation of what is going on. Himemiya stares at Leo like he’s a complete idiot before pronouncing an annoyed «His name is Fushimi.»  
Leo can’t help but chuckles: «Fushimi, Fujiwara, Fujitani… it’s the same and it’s a bother to remember his name.» he makes sure to articulate it in a way that Himemiya can understand even if Leo isn’t signing it. The first year pouts and decides that Leo is not worth of his attention; he looks at Tsukasa now and signs something he could also say, but he doesn’t. It’s not so hard to understand that he’s doing it on purpose so that Leo can’t follow the conversation. And that’s it, some of Suou’s signs and Himemiya is gone.   
«So? Can we talk now?»  
«You don’t seem too worried about the fact that Himemiya-kun doesn’t like you very much.» Tsukasa says with a little smile, moving from the door and letting Leo enter the classroom. Leo laughs and crosses the threshold: «There aren’t many people that like me anyway. And Himemori—»  
«Himemiya.»  
«the first year» Leo ignores Tsukasa’s glance «seems to hate more or less everyone?»  
Tsukasa sighs, and invites him to sit on the chair near the window. Leo looks at the room - it’s really the standard classroom, but it seems a bit different because there is only one desk and a small cabinet, two chairs and a small sofa. Nothing more, so it’s probably one of the old classrooms that were used for club activities once. There are many sheets of paper on the desk; peeking at it, Leo can recognise some of the papers his teachers usually give during lessons, and he doesn’t have to check to know that they’re probably about programs he did on his first year. He sits on one of the chairs and looks at Tsukasa who starts to tidy up the desk.  
«What did you want to talk about, Tsukinaga-kun?» he asks, his voice calm even if with that slightly funny way of pronouncing words. Leo smiles, amused: «I was talking to Fushimi» he begins, and he knows from Tsukasa’s glance that the man is judging him because of his habit to mangle names «and he told me Himemiya hasn’t always been deaf, that’s the reason why he speaks pretty well, right? And then I remembered that you also spoke well in my classroom so maybe you too? I mean, you _became_ deaf? I’m curious about it, after all I realised just recently that you thought me and my sister were the same. Isn’t because of this that you used the sign language back then? How is it? I was—»  
«Is it funny?» Tsukasa interrupts him and Leo stays silent. Until now every time he has heard the man speaking, he has always had that really gentle voice; now he’s being polite but it’s not the same - Leo looks at him and he notices the expression on Suou’s face: he’s courteous, and yet there’s something else, something severe that reminds Leo of Keito.   
He swallows.  
«Is it funny because you have never talked to a deaf or half-deaf person?» Tsukasa repeats, but doesn’t wait for Leo’s answer: «Yes.» he adds «I was like you until my last year of middle school. I _became_ » he stresses the same word «deaf. If this is all you wanted to know, you can go now. I still have some work to do, and club activities are almost over.»  
Leo isn’t the kind of person who ends up being wordless. And yet he doesn’t know what to say - sure, he’s been pretty impolite but usually people tend to forgive him because they understand he doesn’t mean any harm. Maybe Tsukasa misunderstood.  
«I wasn’t asking to make fun of you or Himemiya.» Leo mutters while he stands up.  
Tsukasa sits, though, and doesn’t look at him: «Yeah. People often say this, but in the end they mean it.»     
Usually, he wouldn’t leave this at it. Usually he would explain himself, not matter what or if the other person wouldn’t listen to him; but this time he doesn’t say anything else because Tsukasa’s body is screaming that he doesn’t believe him. Leo would have never thought once that it could be so easy to hurt someone.   
  
«Shouldn’t our King be a bit more focused during practice?» it’s what Arashi says, interrupting him. When it comes to their band’s practice he always pays attention - sometimes his Knights tell him he’s _too focused_ in fact - so he can understand the reason behind Naru’s slight worry. Leo looks at him, a childish pout on his lips, and goes back to drink his juice: «I am.»  
«Oh my, does a King lie to his Knights?» Naru teases him while he sits next to him. They have a room for practice thanks to Arashi’s connections after all, so Leo should be grateful and work his ass off; he just isn’t in the right mood.  
«I can’t work when I’m not inspired.»   
«Ara, it’s such a pity! I’ve brought some little fans for you, you know?» Naru says, pointing at the entrance of the building in which they are; Leo looks in that direction and sees two boys: he’s pretty sure to know at least one of them or, better said, to have seen him at their school. Said boy notices him and Arashi and smiles brightly, his hand grabs the other one’s wrist and they almost _run_ towards Leo and Arashi.  
«Arashi-chan-senpai!» he shouts, full of energy, and Arashi chuckles: «My, Mitsuru-chan, don’t be so loud. And who’s your cute friend?»  
«Harukawa Sora-chan!» Mitsuru replies, while Sora bows his head a little with a big smile on his face, bright blue eyes that look at them both: «Are you Mitsu-chan’s cool senpai?»  
Arashi looks at Leo, an amused smile on his lips: «Am I, King?»  
«Naru’s super cool, you know? Are you interested in music?» Leo asks to the both of them «Or are you simply Naru’s fans?» he teases them, with a better mood than before; he decides that Suou’s behaviour _can’t_ make him feel like he killed someone or stuff like that. He was tactless, maybe, but that teacher really is too stubborn - it sounds so ridiculous if he’s the one to say it.   
«Sora-chan can see music! Right?» Mitsuru reveals to them. Leo and Arashi look at each other, confused, before going back to the two younger boys: « _See_?» Leo stresses the word «Are you sure? Oh, I know! Maybe aliens abducted you and now you have special powers! Did they do something else? Can you, I don’t know, release some nice smell when you far—»  
«King» Arashi interrupts him with a warning voice, looking at him like Leo has told something he shouldn’t have «guys who say vulgar things are not popular, you know?» he admonishes him.  
«Well, yeah, whatever. So? Can you?»  
Sora laughs, and his voice is crystal clear, so much that Leo finds himself smiling with him; the small boy seems one of those innocent people you could never taint, even if you tried with all your might. He doesn’t seem offended by Leo’s words, but amused; he shakes his head a bit: «Sora never once met an alien.» he admits, looking at Mitsuru like he’s almost sorry about this «But Sora really can see music. When Sora listens to it, it makes so many beautiful colours...» he tries to explain, but it’s a bit difficult. Leo has heard about it - they call it ‘synethesia’, but he was never able to picture it perfectly in his head, because it’s something so peculiar that Leo is sure nobody would be able to describe it with millions of words. And he’s good with words; never once he has found difficult to express something, be it with music or with the lyrics he writes for his Knights. If anything, sometimes he feels like he has _too many_ words to use and he really doesn’t know what to do with them. Sometimes, his head is so full that he doesn’t know what word to use first; that’s when he mixes them, uses all of them together and everything gets complicated. When Sena says he can’t understand what Leo’s saying, or when Naru chuckles with that smile he only uses when he’s a bit troubled but prefers not to say anything, Leo knows that’s exactly the moment he’s using too many of the words that fill his mind. But what else can he do, when it feels like he could _explode_ if he doesn’t voice them out?  
He looks at Sora, and his mind goes back to Suou: is it the same for that man? Does he find difficult to communicate with him, to make him understand because Leo will never be able to feel like Tsukasa or Himemiya have? Does it mean he has to pretend he doesn’t hear— no, that’s not it. It would be really rude, Leo understands this much. Maybe if he could _feel_ the same way, even just for a few minutes, he would be able to use the right words next time.  
«How do you explain it when others ask you about how you can ‘see’ music?» Leo decides to ask the younger guy in front of him. Sora makes a funny face, like Leo asked the most stupid question in the world and, at the same time, the most difficult one. Sora doesn’t say anything, but thinks about it; and when he finally speaks, he gives them - both to Arashi and Leo - a big smile: «Sora thinks that somehow, even people different from him can see it.» he reveals, full of a confidence Leo finds interesting and fascinating at the same time «It’s like… you know, sometimes you look at a painting and you feel so many things, right? Sadness, or happiness, or fear» he tries to explain, but strangely he does it with the same simplicity one could use to breath. Sora’s little hands make some gestures, but Leo is totally focused on his words. «And when you listen to music, if you close your eyes it’s the same right? Because you can at least _feel_ what the composer wanted you to know. Because you’re reading a story, right? So, well… it’s the same. Sora sees colors, like there’s this very good painter who can show him the music. Sometimes» he admits, a bit embarrassed not because of what he’s saying but - maybe? Leo doesn’t know him so much - because this is a really intimate thing, a feeling that probably Sora hasn’t shared so much, especially not with people he barely knows. «Sora thinks that even if he couldn’t hear, it would be the same. Like, Sora could enjoy music anyway.» he confesses, smiling more brightly.   
That’s the moment Leo feels this strong sensation, like he had the answer in front of him for all this time, for _all his life_ and yet he was never able to see it clearly, to recognise it. He looks at Sora, opening his eyes wide and if nothing, it’s Arashi who distracts him touching his shoulder lightly.  
Leo looks at him, still pretty unfocused on anything but that epiphany he has just reached.  
«Does this answer to your question, King?» Naru teases him, because he probably figured out something about Leo’s strange mood while they were practicing: «Isn’t it pretty romantic? I would totally love to let someone I like see my colours.» he adds, going back to look at Mitsuru and Sora.   
«Say, Harukawa» Leo says, and if the fact that he already memorized Sora’s name isn’t the proof that he’s serious, what else could it be? «you think that a half-deaf person would be able to see those colours you talked about?» he asks, and he doesn’t worry about how obvious his request could sound.  
Sora’s gaze is a bit more serious, even if he tilts his head a little: «Are you talking about Himemiya-kun?»  
_Well, sure,_ Leo thinks, _of course he would think about him since they’re in the same grade._  
«Him too.» he answers, half honestly «So, could he?»  
«Dunno.» and Sora scrolls his shoulders a bit «Maybe. Sora thinks it depends on how much the person wants to see them. But Himemiya-kun would be able to see the colours Suou-sensei plays.» he reveals and that’s something absolutely unexpected, so much that even Leo - who’s usually the unpredictable one who surprises others - can’t believe to what he’s hearing.   
«Suou-sensei?»  
«Yeah! Sora heard it by chance, you know?» the younger one keeps saying, enthusiastically: «Sora was walking on the same floor where the music room is and he heard a bit of piano’s melody. And Sora was curious.» he admits, looking at Mitsuru with complicity «And when he peeked into that room Sora saw that the one playing was Suou-sensei. It wasn’t a perfect melody, but the sound was really sweet. It was sparkling, and kind of warm.» he describes it, with the same expression a relaxed person would have. It reminds Leo of his little sister, when she was just a baby and would end up falling asleep while listening to their mother’s lullaby.    
«Is he a good pianist?» Arashi asks, curiosity in his voice and eyes; Leo doesn’t know if he’s seen Suou at school, but well… there’s no way Naru doesn’t know the man, at least by eye.  
«Hm… Sora wouldn’t say he is a good pianist if by good you mean professional ones who can play difficult pieces. But he is a nice one. Just a bit slow with his fingers, Sora thinks.» he admits, stumbling a bit on his words. Mitsuru gives him a warm smile, and Sora seems to relax again; Leo isn’t sure about his behaviour, but he’s too distracted about other things now.   
«Well» Arashi says, standing up and looking at Leo: «we should go back practicing, right King?»  
«I totally doooon’t wanna, Naru! I’m not inspired enough!»  
«I’m afraid you’ll have to. Maybe I’m not the only one who loves boys that give their all, don’t you think?»  
  
It’s been a whole week. And a half.   
First, his Japanese Literature test, then the fact that Suou seems to be really good at playing hide-and-seek; at least, he apparently is good at hiding from Leo. And Leo is sure that’s what is happening because there’s no way a teacher can disappear like this without being unwilling to, right?  
Leo is moving back and forth in front of the classroom where Suou was the last time he saw  him - that time he told something really rude, apparently. He’s not nervous. He’s just waiting for Himemiya to finish whatever he’s doing inside, because if his student is there Suou will surely have the perfect excuse to send Leo away. But, oh, he’s not going to make it easy for the man. If Suou refuses to let him in, Leo is ready to follow him. Or he can tie himself inside the classroom, so when tomorrow Suou will be back he will find Leo there and will have to listen to what he has to say.   
What does he want to say, anyway?  
The door slides, and the familiar figure of Himemiya comes out of the room with Yuzuru: they both have sheets in their hands, like the ones Leo saw the other time; they are signing something very simple to Suou, and Leo doesn’t have to guess because Yuzuru adds a «See you tomorrow.» with a gentle voice, before noticing Leo after he closes the door.  
Himemiya looks at him, but doesn’t say anything; Yuzuru bows his head a little, instead, and smiles at him: «Tsukinaga-senpai.» he greets him politely, while Leo simply waves his hand to the both of them. Himemiya pouts a little, and his hand grabs Yuzuru’s sleeve: «Hurry!» Himemiya orders - because it really doesn’t sound like a request - but all Fushimi does is chuckling a bit. He bows his head towards Leo again and then replies with a soft «The cake I promised you will not disappear, Young Master.»   
Leo looks at them for a moment before he goes back to look at the door they came from, not completely closed; he moves some steps and then knocks. And he waits. And then, he wonders if Suou can’t hear the knock, and if it’s the reason why Yuzuru hasn’t closed the door behind him, or if he hasn’t done that because he was sure Leo was going to open it again anyway. He stays silent, looking at Suou: he’s sitting at the desk, and seems to be reading some papers on it. There’s a vague scent of citrus fruits in the room, but Leo can’t guess the source of it.  
He enters and closes the door because he wants to talk to Suou-sensei alone; maybe the sound is strong enough because the man looks at Leo. He’s surprised, that much is obvious by the way his expression change, even if just a little and for a brief moment: Suou looks like he wants to say something, but decides not to.  
«Tsukinaga-kun. What can I do for you?»  
«Can I sit? I’ve some things I want to tell you.» but he’s already sitting on one of the two empty seats - they are both warm. Leo waits, and Suou sighs; so the younger one starts to sniff with his nose pointing at the ceiling. He chuckles when he notices Suou’s perplexed expression.  
«So. It seems I’ve been rude last time, haven’t I?» he starts to say, his green eyes studying the room better than the last time he got inside «I’m sorry.» he adds, looking directly at Suou: «As I said, I didn’t mean to. I don’t really know what made you so mad but well, you didn’t say much so I suppose it was my fault, right?»  
Tsukasa is looking at him the same way he could look at a person that is blabbering nonsense; Leo can see something resembling a pout on the man’s face, and it’s so funny because he would have never thought adults could be so childish. So he chuckles, while Suou frowns a bit and then sighs again, putting aside the sheets he was checking before and looking at Leo.  
«I suppose I need to apologise too. It was childish of me, that reaction. Since I’m an adult, I should behave properly. You did nothing wrong, Tsukinaga-kun—at least, I understood that you didn’t mean to.» he says «Still, I think it was really impolite to ask those questions in such a tactless way. You were somehow lucky it was me, and not Himemiya-kun, for example.» Tsukasa adds, while his expression seems to say that this is all he has to say on the matter.   
«Why is it?» Leo asks instead «I mean, I asked some stuff to Harukawa too— you know, he can _see_ sounds - but he wasn’t offended and he explained it to me.»  
«Oh. That is called synesthesia if I’m not wrong.» Tsukasa mumbles, more to himself than to Leo, in fact «Well, it depends on the person. Also, synesthesia is something Harukawa _has_. Not something he lost.»  
Leo stays silent for a bit, feeling Suou’s eyes on him, like the man is studying him; he waits, before looking at Suou. It’s the first time, since their first meeting when Leo was a child, that Tsukasa is looking at him directly in the eyes. Leo didn’t remember how peculiar their colour was: it resembles vaguely Fushimi’s, but they’re a totally different shade of purple and are somehow more distant. Also, Fushimi’s eyes have a warmth Leo is pretty sure is due to the fact that he’s seen them always looking at Himemiya so maybe that’s the reason for such a tenderness that Tsukasa’s ones lack.   
«I can learn it.» he says suddenly, following the train of his thoughts, and he doesn’t seem to mind the fact that Tsukasa has clearly no idea what that student is talking about «Your sign language. I can learn— no, I absolutely want to learn it!» Leo exclaims enthusiastically.  
«What?!»  
«You can teach me, right? You’re teaching Fushimi too!»  
«Fushimi-kun has a reason and it’s a very dedicated student. He wants to learn to be able to support Himemiya-kun. What’s your reason, Tsukinaga-kun?»  
«Should I have a reason?»  
«Tsukinaga-kun!» Suou seems to start losing his cool façade, a frown on his face and lips that are not smiling anymore: «This is exactly why I was angry last time. This is not a game. I teach this because I want deaf people to be able to communicate without feeling discouraged because of their condition. And I teach people who can hear because I think it’s a beautiful thing for them to want to communicate better with those who have some difficulties.»  
«I want too!»  
«Jesus Christ» Suou lets it slip from his mouth, totally exasperated «you barely remember Himemiya-kun’s name. Please leave, I have to—»  
«No, I mean! I want to communicate with a deaf person!» Leo interrupts him «Half-deaf. Well, whatever. You should teach me, Suou-sensei. How am I supposed to talk to you, otherwise?»  
«You are already talking to me.»  
«But you don’t understand me, right? Not that you can’t _hear_ me. But I can’t reach you?» Leo suggests and Tsukasa, for the first time, doesn’t know what to say. He has to admit that he didn’t expect this from him. He doesn’t know anything about Tsukinaga Leo, apart for the fact that he was a really cute child back then; Tsukasa has no idea how Leo has grown up, what kind of boy he has become, if he is the type to make fun of people like Himemiya or like himself or if he is the typical student who would pretend not to notice when someone is in trouble. Maybe Leo is the kindest boy and he simply doesn’t know how to express himself - or he simply doesn’t care to be understood - but Tsukasa surely never thought the kid in front of him would have been such an observing person.   
Has he been so obvious about how he can’t feel at ease even after years since his own high school days?  
«I really have to finish some work here.» Suou says, his eyes on the sheets again, a troubled expression like he doesn’t know how else to reject the other. Even Leo understands that much, and that’s the reason why he opens his mouth but - in the end - he doesn’t say anything. He stands up, instead, ready to leave the room.  
«Tsukinaga-kun.» Suou’s voice calls his name when Leo is almost at the door; he looks at the man, and notices a little smile on his lips - Suou doesn’t seem convinced at all, but his smile looks genuinely kind when he does a simple “V” sign with his hand, near his waist.  
Leo raises his eyebrow. Is he insulting him? Making fun of the fact he has totally rejected Leo’s request?  
«See you tomorrow.» Tsukasa says «That’s how you say it with the sign language.»  
  
It takes two whole weeks for Leo to notice some things he would have never even imagined before, and he wishes he had done it without have to witness such a scene.   
Suou’s been a really good teacher: he’s patient, and kind, and explain every sign carefully. Well, Leo has discovered many aspects of him he would have never thought as parts of his character before: he’s childish, despite his being ten years older than Leo, and he is more irritable than what Suou thinks. Not about what he teaches, but about everything else. Leo is used to act and talk at his own pace, but it’s absolutely hilarious how Tsukasa seems so _young_ when he thinks that Leo is about to start blabbering again and looks at him like he doesn’t know how stop him but doesn’t want to listen to him.  
Leo has learnt that Tsukasa loves sweets (even if he tries to hide it) and eats them especially when he’s particularly nervous or stressed about something. So Leo has started to bring some to him when they meet for Leo’s lessons, and even if in the beginning Suou wouldn’t accept them now it’s getting better. And maybe the reason why Leo has _forgotten_ is this: with Suou, everything seems okay. It feels like the man hasn’t a single problem in his life and Leo has been such an idiot that now he doesn’t know what to do, in front of the door; he knows Suou is inside, but he’s not sure if he has any right to enter.   
Maybe Suou was right all this time. Maybe Leo has never thought how terrible it must be to hear for part of your life and then, suddenly, not being able to do it anymore. He has never thought that Suou could have some problems, because in his mind the man has always been the same boy of ten years ago, the one who seemed a charming prince to Leo and his sister, the boy who smiled kindly and worried about two kids he didn’t even know. How many years had passed, back then, since Suou’s hearing started worsening? Was a recent thing or not? How was Suou feeling? Maybe he hated to have to use the sign language. And he hated when Leo took the whole sign language thing so lightly.  
He feels ashamed, and it’s not something he feels often about himself.   
Leo looks at the door, his mind still focused on what he has just witnessed. Seeing Suou still while some students were calling him has made Leo’s heart ache. He doesn’t know why he has never thought about the fact that Suou could not hear, sometimes, and yet it had just happened before his own eyes. Suou, who’s so polite to every student who asks him something, didn’t even turn towards them because he didn’t hear them calling him.   
And the expression Suou made when another teacher told him he was being called was so mortified it almost hurt Leo. Because Suou looked like it was his fault.   
Leo sighs, and opens the door enough to slide inside, closing it behind him. Suou is sitting on the usual chair, but it has been moved near the window and so he’s looking outside. He doesn’t turn, and Leo doesn’t know if the other is ignoring him or if he didn’t hear him at all. He’s afraid to know it, somehow.  
«We don’t have a lesson today, right?» Tsukasa says, his voice low but not adversary. Leo is not good with this kind of things: if anything, the best person to handle such a delicate situation would be Arashi. Leo has been already insensitive enough, after all, right?  
«We don’t.» he admits, peeking at Suou’s figure and staying silent. It’s Tsukasa who breaks it and turns to look at him. There’s still that smile on his lips and Leo _hates it_.  
«Are you sure you’re studying properly your regular subjects?» Suou asks, and Leo knows he’s trying his best but he doesn’t like how it makes him feel useless and powerless. What would Naru say in a situation like this? Would Naru leave the man alone or would he say something? Leo suddenly thinks about how many times he could have asked his friend how the blond manages to have a conversation with his so-adult-boyfriend; he feels so stupid, like he has wasted opportunities one after the other. Rationally he knows that even if Naru would have surely given him answers, they would have been of no help anyway and yet Leo wishes he had asked.  
He clenches his fits and does what he’s better at: he talks without thinking about what he’s saying or if those are the right words to say.  
«It’s not your fault.» Leo murmurs, and Suou looks a bit more concerned about him than sad for himself.  
«What?»  
«I SAID» Leo shouts not because he can’t control himself but because he wants to shout - because Tsukasa isn’t, and Leo wants to be heard, now more than any other time, more than when he’s singing with his _Knights_ , more than when he blabbers about aliens «IT WASN’T YOUR FAULT. LIKE, AT ALL.»  
And suddenly, Suou’s laughter fills the room and it sounds like the most beautiful thing in the world. Leo looks at him and notices that Suou still has a sad expression on his face, but he also seems a bit relieved. And grateful. It makes Leo’s heart skip a beat.  
«You are really something, Tsukinaga-kun.» he admits, with that kind tone that is so like him «Thank you. You have seen what happened, I suppose.» he continues, inviting him to put the free chair near him and to sit down. Leo does it, and just nods to answer at the man’s question; it’s the first time he doesn’t know what to say or if talking is the right thing to do - no, maybe it’s the second time. The first one was when he fought with his band’s members, his friends.  
«...Is it okay to ask about it?» Leo tries, a bit insecure, and this is not like him. Even Suou chuckles: «Oh my.» he says, and for a moment he reminds Leo of Arashi «Were you always so emphatic, Tsukinaga-kun?» the man teases him, a hand stretched towards the younger one until he can ruffles his hair gently «That’s cute.» Suou says, without implying anything. Leo doesn’t know if he should feel like he’s being made fun of or not, but he decides to let it slide this time.  
«You can.» Suou adds, his hand already leaving Leo’s head.  
«You… don’t seem to have any problem when you talk to me.» Leo dares to say, because when he’s curious about something he isn’t able to hold back. Tsukasa looks outside for a moment, sighing slowly. Then, he turns towards Leo again.  
«Because you have a very loud voice, Tsukinaga-kun.» Suou reveals, and Leo is about to ask him if he’s really making fun of him when Tsukasa speaks again: «And most of the time I’m looking at the person who is talking to me, like now. So if I don’t hear their voice, I can manage with their labial.»  
Leo stays silent for a bit, and Tsukasa goes back to look out of the window. The silence isn’t too embarrassing, but Leo has to admit that it doesn’t suit him nor Suou. Somehow, he thought that Tsukasa could feel more comfortable without having to talk, but he just looks sad. Well, not really sad; unable to move, maybe. It’s something Leo doesn’t know how to describe: it’s like Suou _wants_ to move, to stand up and shout loud but something is keeping him on that chair. Leo can understand it a bit.  
«I’m sorry. It isn’t very mature of me, to talk about this with a student. I made you uncomfortable, didn’t I?»  
«What—?! No!» Leo feels the urge to deny it immediately «I was just thinking.» he admits «Is it… I mean» he frowns, annoyed at himself for not being able to phrase it the exact way he wants to «Harukawa said he heard you play the piano. Did he make a mistake?»  
Suou seems surprised, like a kid who’s been found out while stealing a candy, and then smiles sheepishly: «He did not. I was, but I was sure nobody was around at that hour.»  
«He said your music has a really sweet sound and warm colours.» Leo reveals, looking at Suou’s face directly. He doesn’t know if he has done it without thinking, but he feels strangely happy when he notices that Suou’s cheeks are a bit redder than before.  
He looks younger with that embarrassed expression and that small pout on his lips. Younger and really cute.  
«Nobody has never described my music like this.» he admits, not sure about how he should feel - or if he should hide that he feels flattered «And I don’t think it’s something special, right now. I mean, the only sounds I can play are those that I remember from when I used to play. It’s been a lot of time since then. Now I play because I _know_ how to do it, because I studied… not because I feel like it, and certainly not because I can hear what I’m playing. For the most part, I can’t. Not well enough, at least.» he admits, melancholically.  
Leo stays quiet; he just reaches Tsukasa’s hand with his own. It could seem like some sort of an intimate contact - and it is - but what Leo does is checking the other’s hand and fingers, like he’s analyzing them just by touching them. Suou doesn’t say anything and lets him do it. They stay several minutes like that. At some point, Suou looks outside once again and Leo barely notices that it has started to rain.   
«Do you still know how to read music?»  
«Yes, I do. What instrument do you play, Tsukinaga-kun?»  
«What?» Leo asks, surprised, finally looking at Suou; the man smiles, and it’s the same smile of ten years ago.  
«Usually who does music is like you.» Tsukasa says «You have a gentle touch. The one that a mother uses to touch his child, or the one artists use when touching others’ hands because they know how precious they are when what you want to do for a living is to create something.»  
«...I don’t play.» Leo admits, and his voice is a bit lower than his usual tone, but Suou seems to be able to understand anyway since he’s not talking quickly and his labial is pretty understandable «I sing. Well, I know how to play, but I don’t do it if not for composing.» he adds, and Suou seems really surprised.  
«You are a composer?»  
«I’m the leader of a band, you know? And my music is the one of a genius, I tell you!» Leo says, not a single hint of shame - on the contrary, he seems to be back to his bold, crazy, usual self. Suou looks a bit more relaxed, and it doesn’t really matter if it’s because of the change of topic; Leo is honestly happy that the tense atmosphere has just disappeared.  
«How many people are in you band?»  
«Four. It’s me, Sena, Naru and Rittsu! They’re fine even if I’m a sloppy leader!» and he laughs, like he’s told the funniest joke. Suou is still looking at him and he seems to have forgotten what happened; it’s good. Leo knows that it’s impossible that he has _really_ forgotten it but it’s okay to be able to rest every now and then. Leo too has been really tired for some time and he’s really grateful to those who have simply waited for him. That’s not something he wants to tell to the man in front of him, but if now it’s his turn to be someone’s distraction, it’s okay.  
«A Leader who composes for his band it’s not sloppy at all, if I can give my honest opinion, Tsukinaga-kun.» are Suou’s words, while he stands up from the chair and lets his hand slides away from Leo’s hold. It’s stupid how it feels lonely, without a warm hand in his own.  
«I met Sena-kun that time when Himemiya-kun bumped against you. Are the other two in this school?»  
«Yes! Rittsu and Naru are both second years!»  
«It must be a really wonderful thing, to share something like music with friends. Do you perform outside the school too?» Tsukasa asks, while going near the desk, reaching for his bag and going back to where Leo is. The man sits, and starts searching for something; Leo is not sure if he can talk. He doesn’t want to bring Suou down because the other isn’t looking at him and could not hear him nor read his labial. But Tsukasa looks up at him, a wondering smile on his lips, like he’s waiting for Leo to reply before going back to what he was doing.  
Leo doesn’t know if Suou has understood his uncertainty or not.  
«We do. Want to come, next time?»  
«Will the music be too loud?»  
«...Oh.» Leo says before he can stop himself «I don’t think so. But if it’ll be you can stay in the backstage. With headphones, so that the sound doesn’t hurt you.»  
Suou chuckles, and he looks ten years younger «But I won’t be able to hear anything like that.»   
«We’ll play again when everyone goes back. Without too many people the sound won’t  need to be too loud and you’ll be able to enjoy it! Promise! We’re really good, you know? I’m confident you will love our music! Please?» Leo looks at him enthusiastically, as he holds both Suou’s hands -  and the bag falls on the floor, but it’s not important after all: «I want you to come. I really, really want you to listen to our performance.»  
Suou looks at him like he’s trying to figure out something. Leo is used to be observed - he knows that most of the people thinks he’s a bit too crazy for an average teenager, and that the fact that his class has also those students who are called ‘oddballs’ has never really helped, but he couldn’t care less. So he’s not really embarrassed by the eyes on him, yet his stomach is giving him a weird feeling. Maybe because Suou is an adult, but he’s not a real teacher; or maybe because of the warmth Leo feels inside when he is with that man who, sometimes, looks more like a boy than Leo himself.   
«I’d love to.» is Suou’s answer, a sweet smile that Leo would have never thought he would be able to see after the first time Suou sent him away, angry at him, with such a cold voice: «When is your next performance?»


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And here's the second and last part.
> 
> Arashi is referred to as he/him; he still talks about himself as "atashi" but since the second part of this fic is mainly Tsukasa's pov I decided to use male pronouns because of Tsukasa's "perception" of Arashi as a person. I hope it doesn't make you uncomfortable.

Tsukasa used to go to live performances. In fact, he is more used to classical concerts than to something like this, but it’s a good change of pace.  
Tsukinaga has insisted for _days_ about going together because “ _what if you get lost?!”_ ; in the end, fortunately Tsukasa managed to convince him about how stupid and useless it would have been. Tsukasa would have been obliged to wait for hours while Leo’s band would have been busy with all the needed preparations; otherwise, Leo would have been late just to wait for Tsukasa. He’s perfectly able to go out alone, at the age of twenty-eight years old, Jesus Christ.  
It’s almost half past seven, and Leo’s band shouldn’t perform before nine. Tsukinaga has insisted that he wants Tsukasa to meet his band members, and that’s why he’s almost at the pub where they should be since the afternoon. His eyes search for the store sign and he finds it pretty easily; it’s simple, illuminated and it has the word _Imagine_ on it, written in _katakana_. Tsukasa moves a bit faster and when he’s at the entrance he notices that there aren’t too many people yet; there are a lot of young boys and girls though, maybe most of them are there to perform just like Tsukinaga’s band.  
Tsukasa takes his mobile and checks the hour and the note he wrote with all the infos Leo gave him: the pub’s name, the hour when his band is supposed to perform, the people he can ask where to find Leo and his friends. So Tsukasa enters the pub, and looks for the man Leo described to him; it doesn’t take him too long to find the guy with a ponytail who seems to have fun not far from the counter, talking to a younger boy that Tsukasa can’t say if he’s some sort of part-time worker or a customer. He sure is flustered, though.  
«Excuse me?» Tsukasa calls the older one, a polite smile for the both of them: «I’m looking for Tsukinaga-kun. He told me his band was going to perform he—»  
«Are you Ousama-san’s friend? AMAZING!»  
«Hibiki-senpai, please try to help our customer!» it’s what the younger one says, before he addresses to Tsukasa: «I’m sorry. If you’re looking for Tsukinaga-san, he’s in the backstage with his band.» he assures with a polite smile, warmer than Tsukasa’s one. But, truth to be told, Tsukasa is a bit curious about the name the older staff member has used to refer to Tsukinaga.  
«Thank you.» he says to the younger one «Ousama… -san?» he repeats then, with a questioning tone. The boy with long hair laughs like Tsukasa has asked the funniest thing ever.  
«His band calls him ‘King’, didn’t you know? And they are called _Knights_ — ah, hasn’t it a really poetic sound?» he says, and then starts laughing again. The very first thing Tsukasa notices is that his voice is loud, but not unpleasant. Probably, if they had a long conversation, Tsukasa wouldn’t have to worry about observing his labial and it makes him smile a bit more openly. But he finds himself jumping a little when he feels a hand suddenly laying on his shoulder and a delighted voice saying something he can’t quite grasp at the beginning. He turns, just to end up looking at someone who could be only considered a really handsome boy who seems… really happy to see him?  
«Oh my, are you the famous Tsukasa-chan?» he asks, and Tsukasa doesn’t know what surprises him the most - the over familiar approach or the fact that he seems to be popular with an unknown guy. Probably his expression is talking in his stead, because the blond boy in front of him laughs. He has a sweet voice, but Tsukasa would really appreciate some explanations.  
«Excuse me?»  
«You are Tsukasa-chan, right? The one our King is talking about since two weeks at least!» he explains, more or less «I’m Narukami Arashi. Truth to be told, I saw you at school a couple of times, but my class is in the other building so...» Arashi adds, and Tsukasa doesn’t really know if he has to ask about that “ _I_ ” Arashi has used to refers to himself, but it seems pretty rude to ask someone who he has just met why they prefer to use a feminine pronoun. Tsukasa decides it doesn’t really matter all that much - and he has other things to worry about, like how that kid seems to be all over to him, with one of his hand patting Tsukasa’s head and the other arm around his waist like it’s not _totally inappropriate_.  
«Narukami-kun» he tries to distance himself from Arashi in the kindest way he can manage «nice to meet you. I’m Suou Tsukasa.» he still introduces himself despite his surprise. Arashi chuckles, moving his hand to Tsukasa’s back and guiding him to the backstage.  
«I was really curious about you. Our King is someone who takes interest in people easily, but he is also easily distracted. So it’s a great surprise that he’s going on and on about the same person for more than two days, you know?» Arashi reveals, blinking an eye to Tsukasa. He doesn’t know how he should interpret those words, so he chooses not to say anything; he simply follows Arashi until the younger one stops in front of a door.  
«Ready to meet _Knights_?» Arashi asks, an amused smile on his lips; he opens the door and moves aside so that Tsukasa can be the first to enter and, at the same time, he announces him with a cheerful «Here we are, Tsukasa-chan has arrived!»  
Tsukasa doesn’t know what to expect, but their reaction still surprises him: in the small room he’s now in there’s a small sofa, some chairs and a lot of posters; in the corner a door probably brings to the toilet and a mirror is hung on the wall. On the left there are big bags that surely belong to the three boys that are inside.  
Tsukasa recognises two of them: Leo is sitting on a chair in a position that anyone would find uncomfortable, and he’s so focused on some sheets that are in his hands that he doesn’t even look up when Tsukasa and Arashi enter the room. On the sofa there is a black-haired boy laying down, apparently asleep. In front of the mirror, sitting on a chair, the third boy - Sena Izumi - seems busy with his mobile phone. Not that Tsukasa was expecting reactions like Arashi’s one, but…  
«I’m sorry.» Arashi speaks, an apologetically smile towards Tsukasa: «Our King is always like this. When he focuses on something he can’t really pay attention to anything else. The other guys...» he sighs, and puts his hands on his hips, looking like a mother ready to scold her undisciplined sons: «Geez, you are all so rude! Ritsu-chan, you should stay awake and start to get ready for our performance!» he says while he moves to help the black-haired boy to wake up and sits on the sofa. Arashi then looks at Tsukasa, with a bright smile, like this is something absolutely normal and he is used to it: «Here, Tsukasa-chan, sit down.» he offers, even if said “Ritsu-chan” is not awake at all.  
«Izumi-chan, you could at least introduce yourself...»  
«Don’t act like you’re my mom, you shitty _okama_. And he knows who I am, anyway. He’s Suou Tsukasa. Yeah. The name I’ve heard the most for about two fucking weeks now.» the third year replies without even looking at Tsukasa or at Narukami; Suou, now sitting on the sofa next to Ritsu, is astonished: he usually tries his best to not judge someone he doesn’t know well, but that Sena boy sure is impolite. Or at least… Tsukasa is not sure that calling a supposed friend “shitty _okama_ ” could be considered a friendly nickname. But Narukami doesn’t seem to take it to heart.  
«It’s okay.» Tsukasa tries to mediate, a little smile towards Arashi «We met at school, and I don’t want to disturb any of you while you’re focusing on your performance. We can introduce ourself after it.» he assures, just before noticing Ritsu’s head leaning on his shoulder; Ritsu’s hands slide under Tsukasa’s arms making him jump, surprised. When he looks at the younger boy, Ritsu’s expression is happy and relaxed: «Suu-chan is warm...» he mumbles, his eyes closed like he has all the intentions to just go back to sleep in that position.  
«Oh my. He already likes Tsukasa-chan so much?» Arashi teases, looking at Tsukasa like he’s silently asking him to be patient and let that over familiar behaviour slide for now.  
«Ah, Suou!» Leo’s voice finally interrupts that surreal scene: «You’re finally here!»  
  
Tsukasa has listened to bands performing before _Knights_ while he stayed in the backstage; he moved in front of the stage just a couple of songs before their turn. He has sit a bit far from it, so that the music isn’t too loud; since the pub is not too big, he can still see well but of course the music of some songs is a bit too much for him. It probably is because of some of the instruments, like the drum and all the vibrations; fortunately it’s all bearable and he doesn’t have to go out and keep checking to be sure he doesn’t miss Leo’s band.  
When they switch on the stage with the other band who was playing, all the people in the pub seem really enthusiastic about it; the waiter who welcomed Tsukasa less than two hours ago reveals him that _Knights_ are pretty popular within the customers. Most of their fans are girls, of course, but there are also boys, and other bands respect them. Leo, as the leader, seems to be well-known as well, with the lyrics he comes up with and the arrangements he does with the other members.  
Another waiter - one that arrived when Tsukasa was in the backstage, because he’s sure he wasn’t there before - seems to know a lot more than the long-haired colleague: «We all thought they would disband last year.» he comments, catching Tsukasa off guard. True, he had the impression _Knights_ were a weird band, because he had the idea all bands were really friendly with each other while those boy gave him the impression of four individuals who were brought together but couldn’t really fit in the same room, too used to act at their own pace; but he never thought they were once close to disband, not when Leo talks so fondly of his band.  
Tsukasa isn’t sure that asking about it to someone other than Leo is the right thing to do - he isn’t even sure if he can ask to the boy that is adjusting the mic. They have changed themselves, wearing similar clothes - mostly black and white - that almost suggest some sort of uniform even if they don’t have one. To Tsukasa’s surprise, there is just a keyboard at the center of the stage; judging by how much the audience is murmuring, Tsukasa supposes they don’t usually perform like this. He hasn’t the time to ask to the waiters at the counter, though, because Leo is smiling at the audience like a child who feels pure joy and can’t hide it.  
«Good evening! We are _Knights_ , just in case some of you still don’t know us!» he begins, and someone laughs; next to him Izumi looks up at the sky, resigned, while Arashi chuckles and shakes his head «We usually perform with a lot of instruments but I’m the King of this band and I’ll be your King for the next two songs and as such an important figure I’m going to bless all of you with Rittsu’s awesome talent! Am I not generous? Wahahah!»  
Tsukasa is astonished. _There’s youth for you_ , he thinks; if he was to do something like that he would be totally ashamed but Leo seems to be completely at ease with all this King-like thing.  
«So. We hope you’ll like this piano arrangement!» he adds, ready to sing - if not for Arashi, who adds a friendly «Forgive our King for not telling you the song’s title… but since you’re such a kind audience you will keep up with him, yes?» he suggests, blinking an eye towards some of the girls in front of the stage that squeal excited, almost making the title ( _Silent Oath_ ) impossible to hear when pronounced by Arashi.  
Tsukasa has to admit that the piano sounds make him feel nostalgic. Maybe it’s because he used to play, and he didn’t stop because he _wanted to_ , but looking at Ritsu moving his fingers so smoothly somehow makes him sad and happy at the same time. Surely, the boy is skilled; it’s quite obvious how the piece is not just played by the keyboard, usually, but it gives off a sweet feeling and it’s not weird at all. Tsukasa thinks it must be because of Ritsu’s talent, not just because he has never listened to the original sound: every single person in the audience is mesmerized, after all. Surprisingly, Ritsu is also the first one to sing. Tsukasa can’t say with the same confidence he had when he was younger than those boys that he had noticed the soothing voice of the black-haired boy. At most, Tsukasa had found his tone pleasant because it wasn’t too loud; quite the contrary, in fact.  
The second one to sing is Izumi. All the unpleasant things that boy is able to say seem to melt in that low voice of his. Tsukasa doesn’t know all the song lyrics; truth to be told, Arashi has given him a sheet with them, but Tsukasa doesn’t want to get distracted just to read them. He can catch almost every word they’ve sung until now, it seems he’ll be okay thanks to the mics and to the fact that there’s only one instrument - and that means less interferences with the band’s voices.  
Nobody told him that there was only a vocalist but, in Tsukasa’s mind, it was obvious; maybe it was his misconception but if it has been a surprise to listen two of their voice, soon he is surprised even more because Arashi and Leo joins together. They are an incredible duo, one that Tsukasa wouldn’t never bet on, and yet there they are, mixing their voices perfectly and harmoniously, singing a sentence so sad and full of such a strong desire at the same time.  
Tsukasa’s eyes go back to Izumi, just for a brief moment, and then they’re on Leo again. It’s not like Tsukasa is listening to his voice for the first time, but it sounds so different, like he has never heard it before. Maybe it’s because at school everything is meant to be said and done in broad daylight; this pub and this very moment are a little secret, something whispered in the shadows of a private world. And Leo’s voice is similar to the one Tsukasa’s has heard when the boy has told him how much he wanted Tsukasa to see that performance. It makes Tsukasa feel warm inside.  
But what really makes Tsukasa shiver, after each one of the boys on the stage has sung some other lines respectively, is Leo’s part just before the chorus begins: suddenly his voice is a bit higher, on that last part that sounds like a confession the leader was never supposed to make, like those words are a sin - _I want to protect you_.  
He wonders if those who can hear well, like he was able to do in the past, are really such cruel people that make a boy think he has to shout through a song something so intimate and that he should be able to say naturally.  
  
When the last note of their song is played, a huge applause is what welcomes _Knights_ performance. The audience surely loves them, that much is obvious.  
Tsukasa stands up while they are still on the stage and moves discretely so that he can reach the backstage without being noticed; the man who is responsible of who goes and comes from there has been warned and lets him pass through. The band who has to go on stage next is ready and welcomes _Knights_ with compliments and friendly words before moving. The only ones who are there, except for Tsukasa and the boys, are the man Tsukasa has just surpassed and another two or three that are probably there for sounds and lights. There’s also a new face: he must be a bit older than Tsukasa himself, and has a distinguished figure, even if a bit stern; it reminds him of a strict teacher somehow. What Tsukasa really doesn’t expect is to see Arashi notice him, smile so broadly and with so much affection in his eyes that Tsukasa doesn’t have to know him to understand that the blond is in love with that person. It’s something so obvious - in a good way - that makes even Tsukasa smile; of course he never thought he would see Arashi run towards the man, hug him tenderly and give him a kiss that really… should have been given somewhere else, not where everybody can see it. If it was Tsukasa, he would feel so embarrassed, almost naked because it’s such an intimate demonstration it shouldn’t be done in public.  
The man must think the same way, judging by how red his ears become and how he looks at Arashi like he wants to kill him and doesn’t do it just because there are too many witnesses. Arashi, however, doesn’t seem discouraged at all; he clings onto him, and encloses the older one’s waist, speaking with a giggling voice: «You came, in the end! Thank you, Akiomi-san. I really, really lov—»  
«You—!» the man called Akiomi covers Arashi’s mouth with one hand, a flustered expression - Tsukasa has the impression that he’s trying not to look around, pretending they haven’t been seen by strangers or, in general, by people not close enough to know what he does with a high school boy.  
«Stingy.» Arashi says, a little pout on his lips «But I forgive you.» and he’s smiling again, still hugging his partner (he has to be, right?) and looking around for Tsukasa; when he notices him, he waves a hand towards him: «Here, here Tsukasa-chan!»  
Tsukasa moves some steps, until he is near all of them. Ritsu is yawning and Izumi is telling him something about it; Leo looks at him like a kid that is waiting for his a longed reward.  
«Suou!» he shouts a bit, but what really surprises Tsukasa is how Leo hugs him without even thinking about it: «Weren’t we absolutely flawless? We were, right? Did you like the performance? Did you have problems listening to it? Rittsu is really good with the keyboard right? And—»  
«T-Tsukinaga-kun» he tries to stop that flow of words before getting too confused, without knowing what to do with his hands. He decides to rest them on the other’s shoulders, a lingering contact he doesn’t dare to deepen: «You were. Good, I mean, really good. Your music is truly beautiful.» he compliments them, his eyes on every single one of them, a honest smile on his lips. «I was truly impressed. And I was right.» he adds, the smile on his lips that gets sweeter without him noticing while he looks at Leo, distancing himself a bit: «I told you, right? That a leader who composes for his band is not sloppy at all. You do great music, and your words are… brutal.» he admits, and maybe it sounds like an insult but he doesn’t pay attention to it «And yet so touching. What I mean is—» he tries to finish the sentence, but Leo’s eyes sparkles and the boy is hugging him again, tighter than before.  
«Ah, Suou! Are you already my fan? I love you soooo much, Suou!»  
...Maybe Arashi has his reasons to laugh like that but Tsukasa is totally taken by surprise, and so embarrassed he could die. He doesn’t know Leo so well to know that the boy is used to say those words, and even if Tsukasa knew, he wouldn’t be able to pretend they mean nothing. It’s just, Japanese people don’t say things like that so easily, not when there’s a difference of ten years between them and they have known each other for more or less two months. Tsukasa should behave like a proper adult; and he tries, distancing himself from Leo again as gently as possible.  
«Ara, King, you are embarrassing Tsukasa-chan. He’s such a shy man.» Arashi teases, and Tsukasa pouts - just when he decided to act like a proper adult, yeah - because why is it that these boys are so disrespectful with their seniors? He could vaguely understand Arashi and his boyfriend and not that Tsukasa is particularly prejudiced either, but…  
«You should stop, Narukami.»  
«Ah!» Arashi points at the man called Akiomi, looking at him like he’s been offended «You called me in such a cold way again… Akiomi-san, shouldn’t you reward me after such a performance?»  
«I won’t spoil you, and you guys are being rude to someone older than you.» Akiomi sighs, going near Tsukasa «You shouldn’t let them have their way, or it’ll be impossible to control them.» he gives him an advice, looking at the boys who are exchanging opinions between them «I heard you are their teacher?»  
«No, technically I’m not.» Tsukasa answers, clearly more comfortable than before «I’m just there to be of some help for a student that has hearing difficulties.» he explains «I’m teaching him and his friend the sign language and I help him during classes when there are parts he doesn’t hear very well. You could say I’m more a personal tutor than a real teacher.»  
«Is the student in Tsukinaga’s class?»  
«Oh, no. I met Tsukinaga-kun by chance, and he seems to be interested in sign language as well, so...» Tsukasa drops the topic like that. He feels like he’s doing something he shouldn’t, like he has to justify himself or assure the man in front of him that Leo isn’t doing something bad - that _he_ isn’t doing something bad. And it’s pretty stupid, since if there is someone that should judge him is a man who is in a relationship with a high school student.  
...Not that there’s nothing to judge him for, anyway.  
«Sorry, I’m being really impolite.» Tsukasa decides to speak again, a little bow of his head towards Akiomi: «My name is Suou Tsukasa. It’s a pleasure to meet you.»  
«Kunugi Akiomi. The pleasure is mine.»  
  
He really shouldn’t be there. On a sofa that is not the one in his home, watching a movie that is almost ended, with two more people next to him.  
It’s been two weeks since the performance, and Leo still goes to Tsukasa’s classroom to learn about the sign language; he’s doing unexpectedly good, he’s more serious than Tsukasa thought. Also, Leo is a fast learner, even if he often makes mistakes because he seems to be quite impatient - and sometimes Tsukasa has the impression that Leo must have so many things he wants to say that they all mix together and become unintelligible. Sometimes Tsukasa wonders if this is the reason why Leo decided to be a composer, at least for his band.  
In the middle of those two weeks, Leo kept asking Tsukasa to meet Ruka, affirming that when he talked about Tsukasa with his sister, she knew perfectly who Leo was talking about. Tsukasa refused more than once, because even if it’s as he told to Kunugi-san - that he is not really a teacher, but just a helper that happens to work at Leo’s school - he still thinks that it would not be appropriate to meet Leo outside school too often. Moreover when Tsukinaga assured him that «My parents won’t be at home!»  
Then why is Tsukasa sitting on that sofa, Ruka’s head on his lap, Leo sitting next to him and looking at the screen? The movie is ending, the beginning of the last song starts playing; next to him, Leo hums, a little smile on his face, his body totally relaxed. Actors speak their last lines, and Leo turns his head so that he can look at Tsukasa: «Did you like it, Suou?»  
The movie was a good one, so he nods; Leo smiles brightly and starts to say something about how he was totally sure Tsukasa would have loved it, while his eyes move from Tsukasa to Ruka and his smile becomes so fond that Tsukasa feels like he shouldn’t be there, like that’s something so private and he’s nothing but a stranger after all. Ruka is sleeping, and when Tsukasa looks at the big clock not too distant from the TV he thinks she has every right to be tired: it’s a bit past eleven, after all.  
«She likes Suou a lot, I’m jealous!» Leo speaks in a low voice, and Tsukasa looks at him, a bit uncertain; he’s not used to murmurs and whispers. Usually, people that talk to him notice his hearing aid in no time, and they try to speak slower or in a louder voice. Sometimes Tsukasa is annoyed: his ears have problems, yeah, but he’s not stupid. He doesn’t need them to syllabify everything, he didn’t learn to read labial just for fun - but he knows that those people somehow are trying to be considerate and he doesn’t have the heart to yell at them.  
Leo is the first person that speaks normally in front of him, like he doesn’t know anything; maybe he simply forgot about it, too busy watching his adorable little sister, but Tsukasa feels so _grateful_ that for a moment he doesn’t pay attention to the fact that he can’t answer because he doesn’t have the slightest idea of what Leo said. But then Leo looks at him, waiting, and Tsukasa realizes that the silence must feel a bit awkward.  
«I’m sorry.» he speaks softly, with a small, embarrassed smile «I didn’t hear you. Could you… repeat what you just said?»  
It’s the first time after ten years that Tsukasa feels so exposed in front of someone else. He doesn’t like it at all, not because of Leo, but because he felt useless and pitiful enough in the past and he doesn’t want to feel like that once more. Deep inside, he’s still that fourteen years old who didn’t know how to keep going when his whole world had just gone into pieces.  
Suddenly, his cheeks are warmer. Leo’s hands are cupping Tsukasa’s face so that Tsukasa has to look at him directly; Leo has the expression of a child, curious about what is in front of his eyes. Tsukasa doesn’t expect the warm smile Leo gives him before repeating, a bit slower but with the same low, soft voice: «Ruka-tan likes Suou a lot. I’m a bit jealous though.»  
Tsukasa is glad that they are talking about Leo’s brother complex. Because Ruka is a really good girl, and Tsukasa can talk about her and listen to Leo doing the same without feeling that the closeness between them has other meanings. It’s easy to smile, even chuckle a little bit: «She loves her big brother. Don’t worry, I’m not going to steal her.» he assures «Are you still going on about how you’ wouldn’t ever forgive those who fall in love with her?» he teases Leo a bit.  
Leo looks confused for a moment, and then he smirks at Tsukasa like their roles have been reversed and he’s the teenager and Leo the adult: «My little sister is super cute and I am going to let every guy who will try something funny to experience Hell!» he assures like it’s nothing strange, but doesn’t let go Tsukasa’s face; if anything, Leo’s thumb caresses lightly Tsukasa’s cheek «But I am jealous of Suou too, of course.»  
_Again_ , Tsukasa thinks, his eyes wandering everywhere but on Leo. Tsukasa is not the most sensitive person, nor he has never been the one who realizes easily the interest people can have in him. During his schooldays he was never able to notice when some girls liked him with the result of being constantly dumbfounded when they confessed to him. It’s not like now that he is almost thirty years old he is better at it, but Leo is too honest - when he’s not being unintelligible - and even if Tsukasa is never sure about half of the things the boy says, he doesn’t know for how much time he’ll be able to keep pretending he didn’t understand.  
Maybe Leo is kidding, making fun of him; maybe it’s just that he is who he is - an eighteen years old boy - and can’t take seriously something like a relationship with an adult. Not that Tsukasa has ever thought about being in a relationship with Tsukinaga Leo.  
Yet, what if Leo is serious? What if Tsukasa has to give him an answer?  
It’s way too convenient to think that Leo can’t be serious enough about the matter, but how hypocrite would Tsukasa be when he is the one who knows better than anyone else what being hurt by others mean? He doesn’t want to be the one that will tell Leo such a coward, hurtful sentence like “ _You don’t understand your own feelings_ ”.    
«Suou.» Leo’s voice is a bit higher than before, but it could still be considered as a mumble. His hands, still on Tsukasa’s face, force Tsukasa to look at him with a little movement. Leo’s eyes are amazingly green, and his expression is so serious that it almost feels unrealistic, given his attitude when he’s at school. Ruka, her head still on Tsukasa’s lap, is still sleeping soundly.  
«Suou, I want you to look at me.» Leo says, this time perfectly audible; and Tsukasa looks at him, purple eyes on him and Leo must see something in them - Tsukasa doesn’t know _what_ and probably doesn’t want to know - because his hands relax and his hold on Tsukasa’s face seems more like a simple touch.  
«Do you dislike me, Suou?» Leo asks it with such a spontaneity that Tsukasa envies him.  
«I don’t dislike you.» he chooses his words carefully, knowing how words can hurt and can mislead. He won’t repeat the mistakes he often did in the past. «But» Tsukasa breathes in «you shouldn’t be jealous of a half deaf twenty eight years old man.» he suggests. He can’t see himself but he knows somehow that his smile probably doesn’t feel authentic at all.  
Leo frowns, especially when Tsukasa’s hands are on his wrists: «You’re really cool for a twenty eight years old man.» the boy tries to joke a bit, and it would be okay with Tsukasa if it was just that, just a way to fight the embarrassed silent that would be between them otherwise.  
But they have known each other for almost two months now: Tsukasa should know that Leo doesn’t keep anything to himself.  
«And I don’t care that you are half—»  
«Don’t say it!» Tsukasa shouts and it all crumbles: his hands are on Leo’s mouth, Ruka suddenly wakes up; his hands are trembling and Leo is looking at him with so many feelings showing in his expression (confusion, surprise, disbelief) that Suou recognises his own panic - _not again, not this time_ , _not—_  
«It _does_ matter! When people talk to me and I’m not looking at them I can’t even figure out what they’re saying. You _saw_ it. How could it not matter? And even if it were true, then what? Are you going to do what, when you’re just graduating, and you will go to university?»  
Leo’s hands hold Tsukasa’s wrists - why is this, when just moments ago… - and he looks at Tsukasa, urgency in his eyes, totally ignoring Ruka’s confusion while she looks at them «I will take care of you!»  
«Oh for God’s sake, how can you be so unbelievably stupid?! You can barely take care of yourself— and how should I feel about this? Honored? Blessed?»  
«You should feel loved!»  
«I would just feel like trash!» he shouts louder, and then he realizes they are both standing in front of each other, looking at each other like they were their own worst enemies.  
Tsukasa hates the way Ruka’s voice sounds when she asks what’s wrong.  
He hates himself for being able to notice how hurt Leo’s expression is.  
  
It shouldn’t really bother him. Tsukasa has said it to himself for the past eight days, every time Leo didn’t show to their sign language sessions after school.  
It was to be expected, right? Even if Leo didn’t say “ _I like you_ ”, Tsukasa understood perfectly what he meant and - after all - he _rejected_ Leo. It’s a given that the younger one doesn’t want to meet him anymore. Tsukasa should stop thinking about it - but he knows the way he rejected Leo was awful. He’s not the kid who used to insult others without even notice it anymore. He could have said it differently; and it was so _wrong_ to say hurtful things - what happened in the past is not Leo’s fault. It’s something that shouldn’t concern him at all and Tsukasa, being the adult between them, should have kept his past experiences to himself.  
It’s not Leo’s fault anyway - he should stop to address him with his name, even if just in his own mind.  
Tsukasa breathes in, looking at the window of his flat. It’s big for just one person, but when he decided to live alone his parents insisted to take care of the matter, as some sort of a present for their son. Tsukasa would have preferred something a bit different, but he knew they were worried because of his life choice to work in a field totally different from what they expected from him. Not that they ever blamed him for his condition, since it couldn’t be helped and it wasn’t his fault, obviously.  
The living room is too big, but his room - fortunately - is normal: it is spacious enough so that a bed, a wardrobe and a little bookshelf can be placed without making the room look cramped at all. Yet, Tsukasa tries not to close himself in his bedroom when he has so many things on his mind; that’s why, when his mobile vibrates in his pocket making him jump a little, his elbow almost hits the glass on the table next to his sofa. He sighs, checking his mobile and his eyes grow wide when he reads the mail and its sender: the screen says “ _Tsukinaga Leo_ ” and the mail is just a short “ _Are you at home?_ ”  
Tsukasa is pretty sure they talked about their houses at some point, especially when he accepted to go at Leo’s; but he never told him the address, just the neighbourhood.    
He looks at the message like it’s some sort of monster, and then types a brief reply: “ _I am_ ”. Somehow Tsukasa suspects the fact that Leo might be around, that he asked to be sure they can eventually meet; so Tsukasa knows that he should have answered that he wasn’t home, because the best thing to do is to draw a line, to give Leo limits that he can’t cross even if he wants. But what if Leo wanders in his neighbourhood while it’s raining so much? It would be irresponsible of him, all the more if Tsukasa was the reason behind such behaviour.  
The mobile phone vibrates again.  
“ _Can we meet?_ ” it’s the new mail, but then there’s a new notification, and another one - “ _I think I’m near your house_ ”, “ _This sounds so wrong but I wanted to talk to you_ ” - and it sounds a bit wrong but Tsukasa is already standing up, opening his door, an umbrella in his hand because how is he supposed to let a student go around with this weather and so late in the night?  
He should be more honest, and realize he can’t leave _Leo_ alone, but he’s too busy trying to close the door with a key and then go on the street. His neighbourhood isn’t so big, not the part near the main street from where most of the people come when they are visiting. So he moves in that direction, more shaken than he thought he was still able to be. Tsukasa is already panicking - what if Leo goes to the wrong house? What if some burglar notices the young boy and does something dangerous? What if someone mistakes him for a bad person and calls the police? And then—  
«What the—?!»  
«I’m sor… Tsukinaga-kun?!»  
«Ah. Suou! I was—»  
«Come with me!» Tsukasa orders, before Leo can finish his sentence, and grabs his wrist to be sure the boy is following when Tsukasa starts to walk towards his house. He doesn’t say a word until they are in front of the door: he lets go of Leo’s wrist, searches for the keys in his pocket and then finally opens the door with a quick «Enter.»  
Leo goes inside and so does Tsukasa, closing the storm outside. His flat is quiet, the light in the _genkan_ the only one switched on for now. Tsukasa abandons the umbrella in a corner and takes off his shoes but ignores the slippers, and just enters and stomps through the corridor leaving Leo alone. It’s just a brief moment, because then he’s back with a towel in his hands, ignoring the part of his shirt that is dripping; he covers Leo’s head and tries to dry his hair a bit.  
«Jesus Christ, you are soaking wet.» Tsukasa voices out, concern in his voice. He knows that probably his hands are shaking a bit, but he pretends not to notice: «You know what? I’ll get the bath ready so that you can use it. I’ll lend you some clothes.»  
«It’s okay, Suou. I just wanted to tell you—»  
«No.» Tsukasa is peremptory and looks at Leo, sighing «You’ll catch a cold like this. It’s not like I’m going to run away from my own house.» he assures, a small smile on his lips.  
It doesn’t take too long to get everything ready and Tsukasa lets Leo take his time in the bath; he uses that time to change himself in his pajamas, wearing an old sweatshirt since it’s still a bit cold, and he goes in the kitchen to make something warm for the both of them. When Leo is back in the living room, Tsukasa is sitting on the sofa. Two cups are already on the table in front of him.  
«Do you want something to eat?» Tsukasa offers; he’s been sitting so that he could see Leo getting out of the bath. The boy moves close to him, until he can sits on the sofa too: «No, I’m okay. Is that...»  
«Hot chocolate.» Tsukasa admits «I thought it could be a good idea to warm yourself. Maybe I should have asked if your were okay with it.»  
«I’m okay. I like it.» Leo says, his voice uncharacteristically quiet. Tsukasa doesn’t know if it’s because he doesn’t want to be heard, or if that’s some other reason. But he doesn’t ask, and gives Leo the time to organize his thoughts; the younger one said he wanted to talk to him, so Tsukasa can’t do anything but wait, even if it’s nerve-wracking somehow - he doesn’t know _why_ , but he knows it shouldn’t be like this, right?  
Leo takes his cup, and wraps it up with his hands; he blows on the hot chocolate, and drinks a bit. His expression is one of pure bliss, and it makes Tsukasa smile discreetly. The man doesn’t know how much it takes to Leo to start talking, but when he does Tsukasa was almost sure he wasn’t going to.  
«There is something I want to tell you.» Leo begins, his eyes on the warm drink «But… it’s something I don’t like to talk about with others. So there are parts of it I won’t tell even to Suou.» he tightens his hold on the cup, and then his eyes are on Tsukasa: «Is that alright?»  
«You… don’t have to tell me if you don’t feel like it.» Tsukasa finds himself to speak those words, even though it’s obvious by Leo’s first sentence that he _wants_ to. So Tsukasa sighs, and nods: «But it’s okay. I… I won’t get mad this time. Also, I’m sor—» he tries, but Leo’s hand suddenly is between them, as some kind of admonishment to let him speak until the end.  
«Let me tell you, first.» Leo says, smiling sheepishly. It’s the second time Tsukasa sees that smile on his lips.  
«Last year _Knights_ almost disbanded.» Leo drops the bomb like that, without a warning, like it’s not such a big deal. But somehow everything of his body language screams otherwise. It’s not the first time Tsukasa hears about this, but he tries to not show it in his expression.  
«It was my fault.» Leo keeps talking, eyes on the cup in his hands «...I’m not going to explain what happened. It’s one of the things I try to forget.» he admits, frowning «Well, I can’t really forget it but I try to pretend it didn’t happen, because otherwise I wouldn’t be able to compose or sing anymore. Probably. But it was my fault. Something happened and I ran away. I’m really good at it, you know? Being selfish, running away, pretending everything’s alright.» he lists all those things like they don’t concern him, like he’s talking about someone else. And yet, Tsukasa can _see_ how much Leo is angry at his former self, the one he’s talking about like he’s some stranger he has observed all this time without much care and yet noticing all his mistakes. Tsukasa moves his hand, but he stops almost immediately; he isn’t sure that, right now, Leo wants to be touched or comforted. The younger one has this aura Tsukasa couldn’t describe even if he knew every single word in every language of the world. For a moment, Leo is a hurt, wary beast; he’s sharing one of his most important secrets and there’s no certainty he won’t get all defensive if Tsukasa does even one wrong movement.  
«I did such an awful thing. To Naru, Sena and Rittsu… and they waited for me.» Leo keeps talking and pronounce that last part like he’s done something unforgivable. Tsukasa doesn’t know what to say: he has never experienced something like a band or a group of such close friends and, consequently, he has no idea what horrible thing Leo thinks he did. Tsukasa isn’t even sure that there is something so serious that can destroy relationships that way. Something that can make an eighteen years old hate himself enough to think that to be forgiven is a guilt, an act to be ashamed of.  
It makes Tsukasa shake, and in response he tightens his hold on the cup of chocolate.  
«But for almost a year I didn’t really talk to them. I didn’t show up at practice at all, I never joined a performance. Sena tried to visit me many times, but I always locked myself in my room. I was ashamed. But I didn’t really know how to face them, because I didn’t know how to face myself.» Leo’s voice is softer, and Tsukasa doesn’t want to miss any of his words; one of his hand leaves the cup and grabs Leo’s forearm like his life depends on it. Leo looks at him, surprised, and Tsukasa doesn’t know what to say - better said, he knows but he has never been good at admitting he couldn’t hear. But isn’t Leo sharing with him an intimate part of him? Shouldn’t Tsukasa stop hiding, at least for a moment?  
«Don’t hide.» he blurts out instead, and Leo looks at him, astonished.  
«I’m not hiding…?» he says, confused, and Tsukasa feels ten years younger when he speaks again: «I know. I didn’t mean literally, but… don’t lower your voice. I want to… understand what you are saying.»  
«Oh. Sure. I’m sorry, if I could explain all this with signs it’ll be easier.»  
«I’m glad you can’t.» Tsukasa admits with a small, shy smile «I don’t want you to sign it for me. I want to _hear_ your words.» he explains, drinking a bit of his hot chocolate before he puts the cup on the small table in front of them. Leo is showing a mix of feelings he is probably unaware of - and yet it looks so familiar to Tsukasa, and _this_ is weird because it shouldn’t be like this right?  
Tsukasa breathes in: «I know how it is.» he admits after a few moments, even though it feels like hours of heavy silence «When you try to hide, and can’t face yourself.»  
This is something he has never admitted with another person, because it’s painful and makes him feel guilty and weak. But Leo is being so honest with him that he wants to reciprocate; however, when he tries to speak again, it’s Leo that stops him from doing it.  
«When you told me I wouldn’t be able to take care of myself, let alone you, it hurt. Maybe because I thought about how I was last year and it sounded like you were accusing me even though you obviously didn’t know anything about _Knights_ , Suou.» he reveals, green eyes focused on the table while he takes a sip of the hot chocolate. Leo puts his cup on the piece of furniture and moves his gaze towards the window; it’s still raining outside.  
«I really like you, Suou.» he adds, a serious expression that Tsukasa can see from where he is sitting; Leo’s profile doesn’t look like a child’s one. He is already an adult, in his own way. «You are kind. You help others, and make them feel accepted. You look like a prince, and yet you are stubborn, and really slow sometimes. You can’t seem to accept new things easily but you can be so enthusiast about the things you don’t know and I can’t understand how this can be but it makes you charming and before I could notice it I was already unable to take my eyes off you.» Leo starts to talk like there is no reason to feel embarrassed - but Tsukasa feels his face burn and his stomach twists because how can you face such a confession? It’s way more direct than the first one.  
«Suou is honest enough to tell me when I’m doing something wrong, and scolds me when nobody else has done it. You stress too much about the most stupid things though. And» Tsukasa wants to stop him, seriously, but when he tries Leo is looking at him «you are so dear to me. Even if you are not really as mature as you think you are.» Leo adds, an amused smile on his lips; his eyes are sparkling the same way they do when he is on the stage singing beautiful, sad words.  
Maybe Tsukasa notices too late, maybe he’s indignant - maybe he just wants to be as good as Leo at pretending he doesn’t realise what Leo’s hand on his cheek means until it’s too late, and Leo’s lips are inches from his own.  
«You are not mature at all, Suou.» he whispers, and they’re practically kissing when Tsukasa doesn’t need to _hear_ , because he _feels_ Leo’s words on his lips «But neither am I.» 

  
That night Tsukasa lets Leo stay. He offers him the bed, but Leo insists that the sofa is good enough and they simply go to sleep when it’s too late for them both.  
Tsukasa tries to think about it – about the confession that made his heart beat faster, about the “secret” Leo shared with him, about the kiss that stopped Suou’s breath for a moment. Leo didn’t ask for an answer or regarding Tsukasa’s feelings; he simply held Tsukasa’s hand in silence, something so rare when they are in the same room. Before closing his eyes and slipping slowly but naturally in his sleep, Tsukasa remembers Leo’s words – _you don’t have to think too much about what I have told you_ – and feels almost hurt, in a way.  
He can’t tell if it’s because it feels like Leo doesn’t expect much from him, or because he feels like Leo confessed to someone who is not really Suou Tsukasa.  
What truth has he shared with Leo, after all?  
When Leo wakes up there’s a scent in the living room that makes him feel hungry and reminds him of his home. There’s a pleasant warmth thanks to the blankets and he curls up under them – he realizes that there’s one more of them than the night before and his mind suggests him that it must be Tsukasa’s doing. He opens his eyes, looking for the other one in the room with no results; just when he’s totally awake he hears some sounds from the kitchen and so he sits on the sofa, stretches his arms and looks around for a bit. Suou’s home gives him the feeling of someone who is not used to share his spaces with other people, not only the way siblings do, but the way human beings do.  
Is that why he seems so—?  
«Ah, you are awake Tsukinaga-kun.» Suou’s voice reaches him and makes him turn towards the door. He has a tray in his hands but Leo can’t really focus on the breakfast because that’s the first time he sees Suou’s in such an informal outfit – simple, black trousers and a soft cream-colored sweater that gives off the impression that Suou’s expression is softer too.  
«I just woke up.» Leo admits while Tsukasa puts the tray on the table in front of the sofa, sitting next him. On the tray there are two cups full of coffee – Leo can recognize it from the scent even without checking –, a little jug of milk, enough sugar to kill a horse, and slices of bread with cans of marmalade and butter.  
«Did you sleep well? I’m sorry you had to stay on the sofa…»  
«It’s okay and I slept well, Suou, you don’t have to worry so much.» Leo makes him notices, a little chuckle that maybe makes him look like a child. But if that’s what it takes to have Suou give him that tender smile then Leo is ready to be considered a child. What a sappy thought.  
For a while, there’s just silence between them. Leo doesn’t consider it the embarrassed silence due to their kiss the night before, but it’s not the comfortable one either, the one that feels natural between two men that share more than just some space on a sofa and a secret about a band that almost disbanded.  
Leo has already added sugar to his coffee – and he noticed how _much_ Suou added to his – and he’s spreading some butter on his slice of bread when the little jingling of the spoon against Suou’s cup stops. Leo doesn’t give it too much attention, so he’s surprised to hear Tsukasa’s voice out of nowhere. Or maybe his words are what really surprises him.  
«When we met for the first time ten years ago» he begins, violet eyes still on his coffee «I had been half deaf for almost four years already.»  
Leo’s eyes grow wide, because of all the things Suou could share with him this is the one he expected less. Since their first meeting, Suou has always given him the impression of someone who would never tell anyone about the most private aspect of his life – he made it clear more than once how hurt he felt every time someone mentioned it, Leo knows it all too well. Maybe that’s the reason why Suou isn’t looking at him while he talks, but it’s still more than Leo could have never asked for. He doesn’t even dare to move.  
«I lost part of my hearing when I was fourteen years old. I was still in middle school, the beginning of my second year.» he keeps talking, the cup between his hands. Leo wonders if that’s the position that makes Suou feel most protected, because it’s the same of the night before.  
«I used to play the piano. I studied it since I was a child, and suddenly it was hard for me to hear what I was playing clearly . Maybe with a little more patience I could have still played it but… I wasn’t patient. I was angry. And scared.» he admits, sheepishly. Leo doesn’t know what to do: he’s used to laugh off the problems – especially his own – and he has done so many mistakes already, with Suou, that he doesn’t want to make another one. Suou seems too fragile now, younger than him; if he touched him, would Suou break?  
«You know, I’m an only child. When I saw you and Ruka-chan I thought “ _thank God. Whoever is the deaf one, they are not alone_ ”. It was… hard, to be alone. For a lot of reasons I was – I don’t have siblings, my parents aren’t often at home because of their work. I was their only heir, and I never got used to people of the same age as me, so naturally when this happened… there was no one. So I was there, the beginning of a new year, classes were mixed and I didn’t know many of my new classmates, I didn’t know the sign language and of course nobody in my class knew it. My parents bought me the most expensive hearing aid but it made me feel uncomfortable… and sometimes, when they couldn’t see me, I took it off. But if not wearing it made me feel a bit more ‘normal’, like the person I used to be, I still couldn’t hear and I hated it.» Suou gets silent for a moment, takes a sip of his coffee like the drink is supposed to give him the courage and the strength to keep talking. There’s a part of Leo that wants to interrupt him, to tell him that there’s no need to force himself if it makes him suffer – but the other, selfish part wants to know.     
«So I did a stupid thing: I started to avoid everything that needed a perfect hearing to be done. Teachers were considerate enough to ask me questions just when they were sure I was looking at them and could notice them, but I stopped talking with my classmates when it wasn’t necessary. Of course I couldn’t ignore them when they talked to me, but I tried my best to not be too involved with them. Because the most embarrassing thing for me was that I had to ask them to repeat something. Also, they often went to karaoke and places with loud music and in the beginning it really hurt my ears, especially the one with the hearing aid. And so I sort of isolated myself.»  
«But weren’t you lonely, Suou?» Leo can’t help but ask, because he doesn’t know what else he is supposed to do or to say, and yet he doesn’t want to let Tsukasa talk about such painful things while he keeps being silent. Tsukasa looks at him for the first time since he started telling him all the truth about his past: his eyes are sad, but his lips are smiling.  
«I was. I still am, sometimes.»  
«…Why did you talk to me and Ruka-tan that time?» because Leo can figure that young Tsukasa hating everyone, even two children he hadn’t seen before until that time. It’s such a clear, cruel image in his mind that it makes him shiver – he doesn’t know how to handle that mix of feelings: guilt, fear, and sadness. Is this what Suou is trying to tell him? That is still how it was in the past, not wanting to get involved with people if not strictly necessary?  
«Because you were both so young, and I thought “ _they must be scared, not able to hear at such a young age_ ”. Not that I could’ve done anything even if one of you was deaf but… maybe I just wanted to feel useful. Back then I had just decided to become a hearing helper. I’m sorry it was so selfish of me.»  
«Why are you apologizing?!» he shouldn’t shout, Leo knows it. It’s not that he is angry, but he hates what Suou is saying, the _way_ he seems to be telling him that since he’s a bad person he can’t accept Leo’s feelings. «You were selfish? Fine! I was stupid, I didn’t even understand that you were using sign language or that you had to use hearing aids!»  
«Tsukinaga-kun, you were just a child…»  
«You too! You were the same age as me now, and you always tell me I’m childish!»  
«Oh my God I can’t believe we are discussing something so trivial—»  
«This is not trivial, Suou. Because you were alone all that time, and you were scared right? About what, being alone? Not being enough? People hurting you?»  
«You don’t know» and Tsukasa’s voice is deep, inflexible «how much people can hurt others. You should be familiar with the way high school is: everything is based on groups, and if you don’t belong to one of them, the group feels legitimated to mistreat you. Do you think a deaf person _belongs_ somewhere? I’ll tell you: they don’t.»  
Leo looks at him, ignoring completely his cup on the table. Why whatever he says doesn’t seem to reach the man who is sitting next to him? The more he struggles to close the distance between them, the more they drift apart? Every time is like an enigma – everything about Tsukasa is: Leo has tried to be himself, and Tsukasa misunderstood him; he has started to learn the sign language, because he was sure it would have helped at least to show Tsukasa how serious he was, but Suou probably never took him seriously. And then Leo confessed, and kissed him, and he shared his past with him and sang for him and now what? Isn’t Tsukasa rejecting him once again?  
«Of course I don’t know, Suou. Because every time I try to understand you, you don’t really like it right? You hide yourself.»  
«I’m not hiding! And what do you—»  
«I UNDERSTAND.» he shouts before he can stop himself. He notices Tsukasa jumping on the spot, startled, and that’s the only reason why Leo lowers his voice: «I know how it is when you hide yourself, Suou. You may think that I’m a stupid high school student who never gets serious about anything and can’t understand you, you made it pretty obvious that you don’t give me any credit. But you could at least try to be less shitty about other’s feelings, you oh-so-polite teacher.»  
The look on Suou’s face is not what Leo expected at all: Tsukasa has the expression of someone who lost himself at some point, and then found only half of the person that he used to be. Leo can’t be so sensitive to think that this is some kind of metaphor like “Suou lost part of his hearing and then it was like losing part of himself”, or maybe he could if this was one of his moment full of indomitable inspiration, a feverish instant where he has to write down the world that literally _explodes_ in his mind like a firework. But it isn’t, not when Suou looks at him like that.  
«I don’t think of you like that.» it’s a low voice the one that speaks to him «And I’m not being… insensitive towards your feelings. I’m trying to… be communicative.»  
Leo blinks at him; he knows he shouldn’t, but of all the possible words Suou could choose… he can’t help but smirk in the beginning, and then he really tries his best to hold the laughter that – in the end – ends up resounding in the room. And Suou’s expression, now almost indignant, doesn’t help at all.  
«I— I was being serious!» it’s what Tsukasa tells him, but what Leo hears is that Suou – who seems a juxtaposition with the way he cares for others enough to become a helper and the selfishness of keeping them distant enough to not be hurt by them – really is trying his best to open up to him. And Leo doesn’t know when the button switched, but it did and the man in front of him doesn’t look like an adult to him. He’s someone he came to like, and will come to like even more probably; Suou is someone he wants to cherish, and Leo isn’t embarrassed thinking about how good it would be to hug him and hold his hand when Tsukasa feels that the world is just too much.  
«What I’m trying to say» Suou starts again, while he looks in front of him, towards the window and at the rain that is falling outside like the day before «is that… I never learnt how to depend on others. And you are… young. There is no way I can be a shameless adult and ask you to sacrifice your future for a relationship that would be judged by many people and I could never forgive myself if I were to be a burden. I… like you. And that is why you scare me so much.»  
Leo holds his breath for a moment. He’s sure he heard well and he can understand Suou’s words – and his fears, because if Leo thinks about it he knows he can’t promise he will love Suou forever, or that they won’t fight over the most trivial things, or that everything will be easy just because they are the main characters of their own story. Life is not so simple. Leo learnt it in the most brutal way with which people can learn something, how hard life is.  
Leo doesn’t like promises. The few he has made until now were the ones he was sure he could keep, simple things he had the power to do or to make happen. He can’t promise Tsukasa that if they are together now they will always be, he can’t promise to the person he likes that he won’t run away to protect himself when things will turn even harder – because he already did it last year, and he knows he’s not flawless and that he will never be.  
Leo doesn’t want to lie to Tsukasa; yet, he can hold his hand, he can hold it tight like his life depends on it because in that moment his life is simply what he can see and what he can feel ( _for a moment his life is Suou’s living room, the scent of hot chocolate and a warm hand in his own_ ).  
«Suou?»  
«What is it?»  
«Can you keep teaching me the sign language?»

 

It’s a pleasant feeling the one he wakes up to: clean laundry scent, a soft pillow under his cheek and a hand on his head, fingers through his hair. It’s so pleasant that he almost falls asleep again, his eyes still closed while he basks in the sensation. The bed is warm, a pillbox made of blankets that protects him from the cold outside, nothing more than a thought left beyond the window.  
The hand that is stroking his hair is gentle and he can’t help but hum in content, a small smile on his lips.  
«You are awake, right?»  
«’m not.»  
He hears Suou letting a small snort escape his mouth, but he doesn’t stop his hand and that’s something Leo appreciates: «You should start to get ready. Or else you will be late for—»  
«I don’t want to go to school. It’s freezing cold outside, Suou, you can’t be so cruel!»  
«I’m trying to save your college career. Remember? I let you sleep here and I promised you could stay the whole weekend at my house but you have to go to your classes today.» Tsukasa voice is soft, not really complaining as much as he used to do in the beginning, still not really convinced about their relationship, about Leo staying at his place every weekend to have some quality time together.  
They still fight sometimes, both too stubborn to admit when they are in the wrong; and yet, in moments like this, Leo is simply, genuinely happy.  
«Suou?»  
«What is it?»  
Leo’s eyes are open now. He looks at the man in front of him, at his violet eyes that still astonish him every time he stares into them, at the smile Tsukasa is giving him. It’s so loving that Leo almost can’t believe how dear it’s – _he’s_ – become to him, and more than feeling embarrassed in front of so much love Leo feels grateful: for not giving up, for not running away, not again, not this time.  
Leo moves enough to hold Tsukasa’s hand and to kiss him; it’s just a brush of lips on lips, and then lips on the tip of Suou’s nose before he chuckles and makes Leo do the same.  
He lets Suou’s hand go, just to look at him. Leo doesn’t call his name again, he simply points at his nose, then closes one of his hands in a punch while the other is still opened and moves over the closed one, like he’s caressing his own hand. Then, he points at Suou – and Leo can easily see Tsukasa’s face warming up because of him, before he hides under his pillow while he complains about something that is not a real complain after all.  
Leo laughs, as louder as usual.  
Suou’s words really do have a unique sound, after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The last thing Leo signs to Tsukasa is "I love you".
> 
> I'm sure I could have done a better job about a lot of things in this fic, but somehow I know I would've also messed up other aspects, so maybe it's okay. Still, I'm happy I could work on such a big project (for me at least)! Thanks for your feedback until now, I hope you enjoyed this fic until the end <3

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [The music of your words](https://archiveofourown.org/works/10501338) by [mofumanju](https://archiveofourown.org/users/mofumanju/pseuds/mofumanju)




End file.
